People often describe themselves as “master networkers.” They attend gobs of events, pass out thousands of business cards and flit from group to group, doing everything they can to get people to buy from them. They spit out their elevator speech (which quite frankly, I can’t stand an elevator pitch…I can smell one a mile away,) often get confused in the delivering that boring speech, talk about themselves on and on and never stop to ask the other person “Tell me about you, and how can I help you succeed?”You see, I believe asking this question is the key to success with networking. Ivan Misner, Founder of BNI, firmly states that the “Givers Gain” philosophy is what networking is all about, and at the end of the day, we can give…yet…we can only give so much before we get drained. So, in theory it sounds great to have thousands of networking partners. In reality, I have found that a human being can only hold about 5-7 key networking partners in their brains at one time. So, if you are trying to truly network (the operative word is truly) with thousands of people, you are bound to lose connection with someone along the way. As a matter of fact, if you are trying to truly network with thousands of people, there are probably many who you will simply forget about over time.

Over the last ten years, I have done a great deal of networking. I don’t even want to add up the hours I have invested with this process. But, at the end of the day, networking is fun for me. I enjoy both online and face to face networking, but here’s my catch…I have to really enjoy the other person, respect their work and believe in them enough to tell others about them. I simply don’t get into networking relationships with people who I don’t like or don’t respect. Some people say I am just way to picky, and that is only one perspective. The people who know me quite well say that I am being authentic in building my network, and I would like to think that is true. You see, I believe that it’s frankly abusive to get into a networking relationship with someone you don’t respect enough to endorse their work, or to get into a networking relationship with someone just because you want them to give you a handout. And…if you are in one of those relationships, it is probably because you “hope” that this person in some way is going to help you along the way…and…it just doesn’t work that way. If you are going to be masterful with networking, you have to begin by helping the other person (trust me…most people won’t stop to ask you “How can I help you?” It’s up to you to play that card first!)

If you are starting your networking process, OR if you have come to the place in life where you know it’s time to perform a network upgrade, I encourage you to answer these questions in determining who you are going to bring into your close inner circle.

1) What qualities do you most admire in other professionals? Make a list of the ten qualities you most admire, and look for these qualities as you are networking. (I would place honesty, integrity and respect at the top of your list…otherwise, you may attract dishonest, disrespectful people who are not on the up and up!)

2) How can you help other people? Understanding your value and how you can help others is a requirement for successful networking. You may be able to bring a large group of people, fresh ideas or your talent and skills to the relationship. The bottom line is to get clear on your value and how it can make others’ lives more successful so that you can speak this with certainty.

3) How can other people help you? It is critical to understand that a networking relationship is about giving first and then receiving. Don’t ever get yourself into a networking relationship where you are the only person giving back to the relationship. Resentment will build over time if you are getting nothing back in return. Remember…your networking relationships should be partnerships…50/50 give and take…not a situation where you are doing all the work and getting nothing back in return. On the same note, I am big on helping other people out one time without any expectation of getting something back. If the relationship evolves to the point where you can get into an ongoing cycle of giving and receiving, then fabulous! Just know that you are probably going to do a few favors for folks who never do anything in return, and that’s okay…it’s part of the process.

4) How can your networking partners help each other? It is important to understand that once you build out a group of 5-7 key networking partners, they will be getting to know each other and helping each other out. This is a wonderful opportunity for you to become the “connector” to a larger network of like-minded individuals (the connecting thread is YOU!)

5) What are the red flags you want to avoid? I am sure you already know the answer to this one. You are going to meet people along the way who are needy, who want a hand out or who are only into networking as a way to take advantage of your value or to ask you to buy from them. Know the red flags ahead of time, and steer clear from those people. I believe that just like there is a man for every woman and a woman for every man, there are networking partners who were born for each other…they all are not designed just for you, so raise your bar on who you want to attract, then…go out and get ‘em, and have fun along the journey!

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